He Reo Aroha - Love Language

I have been very slack in one sense since the boys have been born. Out of necessity I have not tried to forge new relationships, conserving a bit of energy. It is very obvious now that I do not know very many of the mums at school of the boys’ peer group, a few but not many, whereas with both of the girls I know everybody. With that in mind, there are a few that I do know and I have made a concerted effort to have more decent conversations with them recently. One of them has been recruiting for a Sunday indoor netball team so I have decided to tag along. Yesterday she had a ‘meeting’ at her house which really was an excuse to socialize and drink wine – both of which I was ready for. I left at 6 but apparently the evening continued and there will be sore heads this morning. But I had somewhere else to be.

He Reo Aroha. Stunning. She had me at ‘hello’. She opened her mouth and I was captivated. He was awesome too, and they were fantastic together. A wonderful two person performance of a sweet love-lost, love-fought-for story set in a laid back sea-side fishing community in NZ the rhythm set by stunning vocals and guitars (and a ukulele and acoustic base at different times).
I ended up sitting next to the mayor of Porirua who honestly responded to the actor’s question to the audience asking who is in love, who has lost love, who is looking for love? I later learned that the male actor wrote the script and play and the two actors are engaged.

I am becoming more sure that my cat’s behaviour changes when I am in bed by myself. He always sleeps at my feet, but not touching. When I am alone he comes right close to my head and purrs loudly, for a long time. I am certain he is keeping me company. I have never bonded with a cat before – it’s surprisingly nice. A is the cat person and is quite jealous, but you can’t make someone love you. Not even a cat. Later two seven year old boys joined me at about 5am, probably due to the drop in temperature yesterday afternoon and as yet no heating in my house. I feel quite different being cuddled by my boys than by my daughters, it’s equal but different. There is an extra element between mothers and sons. I am sure its part of the female/male dynamic – looking for the ideal in the opposite gender. I can certainly understand how mothers get protective and possessive about their sons. It’s not in my nature to act out those feelings luckily, so I am sure I will let them break bones, hearts, rules, etc.

Mothers are instinctive role models for their girls, good or bad. We know that they are watching and learning. But not with our boys. They are looking to be loved, unconditionally with acceptance of their quirks and boyness, and if they get that from their mother, in theory they should look for that in a mate. I think it’s the same with girls and their dads. That first opposite gender relationship sets the scene for later adult relationships. It’s good in theory but I guess you can’t help who you fall in love with, or maybe it determines who you fall in love with.

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